That's a Smokers Cough! ...No Shit!

This explains everything!!!

2006-07-28T11:06:00.000-07:00

I ran across this article and thought it reminded me of something I saw floating around the internet recently.

Hungry men attracted to heavier women: British study

Another "No Shit!" Moment

2006-05-12T09:17:00.000-07:00

This is almost too funny to be true. It seems 60% of Britons use items such as screwdrivers, scissors and earrings to remove food from between their teeth. This post really writes itself and you know exactly where it is going, so why continue. Insert your own punch line, or if you like, leave it in the comment section.

Here is the article if you don't believe me.

Today's "No shit!" Moment

2006-05-11T12:23:00.000-07:00

One of Yahoo.com's lead news stories today was captioned "Some see Oprah Winfrey as a spiritual leader." Well, No shit people!

Click here for the article.

Kathy Griffin said it and we all know it, "Oprah thinks she's Jesus." (Side note: Catch her new show "Kathy Griffin: Strong Black Woman" on Bravo, it is fabulous) I have to admit that I watch Ms. O every day when I get home from work. I always know The Oprah will be on my DVR, comforting me like a warm blanket. We share a lot of laughs, a lot of tears and countless unforgettable moments. Oddly enough, most of the shows have no redeeming value to me, i.e. "How to know if your husband is gay" (He better be) or "Look ten years younger" (I don't want to look 12! ;) ). Alas, I still watch it. She is like crack, sweet sweet crack.

Oh oh, and she is so gaining her weight back! Am I right?!? (No shit!)

10 Phrases That Recently Made Me Laugh

2006-05-11T09:22:00.000-07:00

10. "Chaka Khan" (just say it 3 times)
9. “It takes a lot of money to look this cheap”
8. Gigli
7. “What all do you get with that?”
6. "Cher" with the phrase "Farewell Tour"
5. Claymate
4. VGL
3. “I have never done this before...”
2. “It's glandular!”
1. "Typing class meets at Whole Foods”

Feel free to add your own in the comment section!

What tha F*$@?

2006-05-11T08:32:00.000-07:00

For anyone watching American Idol last night, I am sure were as surprised as I was when Chris, pictured above on the left, was voted off. For some reason, the two best out of the four left were the lowest vote-getters.

Some are currently living abroad that have no idea what is happening with American Idol. Others just jet-set around, have little time for tv and feign disinterest in the show. You know you love it! To summarize: America has chosen to vote for a 28 year old with gray hair and a shaky-voiced midget with awful teeth. He has known he was going to be on tv for months and months now and still has done nothing to fix his teeth...not even a little bleach. It would take a full set of veneers to do it right though. Doesn't the show have people for this? I don't get it either.

I just hope Katharine wins. At least she is nice to look at and has a great voice. Just my 2¢.

Life is a pigeon

2006-05-09T14:22:00.000-07:00

I thought the picture above describes the week I have had so far. As the title says, life is a pigeon and I am just the Mexican child being shat on whilst running away. And I know I am not Mexican, and that is irrelevant. Though only two days into the week and it has been one of those, "life is shitting on me" "I want to get the hell out of here and move to some far-away place" weeks. In some ways I regret not staying in Hawaii and becoming one of those homeless-looking beach bums. I will be posting about my trip, I just need to be in the right mood to do it justice.

So for everyone else out there having a bad day or week, you are not alone! This picture always makes me laugh. I hate those skinny bitches and I love that little fat girl. It makes my inner fat girl feel better...just a bit better. It also makes me want to eat a cookie and I think I just might.

Half a world away, but not a world apart

2006-05-08T20:43:00.000-07:00

Cyprus and Texas have something in common.

http://www.irishexaminer.com/breaking/story.asp?j=77769228&p=7776953x&n=77769608

I find it funny that just as many people in Texas are opposed to gay marriage. This might put a damper in our trip to Cyprus, but I have a feeling it will be just fine.

Aloha Y'all

2006-04-18T13:34:00.000-07:00

So I leave in less than 2 days for what is sure to be a relaxing week of vaca and I am excited about it. If there only wasn't this whole work thing that I have to do before then. In fact, I have more and more things to get done before I leave as each day passes and the trip nears. Needless to say, work is stressing me out, but Wednesday afternoon I will walk out of here and not even think about it for well over a week. There will be plenty other things to occupy my time while I am gone...you know that is right!

Normally I would tell all of you to hold down the fort, but since you are not here anymore, that just leaves the Senator from the great State of Tarrytown to keep the bars and bottoms open. On second thought, I guess it is only the bars will care that I am gone! Oh well, Hawai'i here I come!

Maw Boo Hi Y'all

Learning Italian

2006-04-12T10:34:00.000-07:00

In anticipation of our trip to abroad, including stops in Milan and Rome, I thought we should take the occasion to learn a little Italian. Our first lesson comes from the one and only Fabio. Take your lesson here. You know this will come in handy on multiple occasions.

Ciao y'all

Does anyone else think this is weird?

2006-04-12T09:23:00.000-07:00

Caption: Iranian artists perform as they hold up samples of enriched uranium after Iran said on Tuesday it had produced low-grade enriched uranium, in Mashad, April 11, 2006. REUTERS/Stringer

Umm, I am not sure even where to go with this. They are dancing around with enriched uranium while white doves provide the background. For some reason it reminds me of Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom, right before the Priest guy rips the beating heart from the guy. The uranium being the sacred glowing stones of course or maybe the flaming heart, I don't know, but you get the idea. I imagine there is some chant to go along with the dancing, similar to "um shanti, um shanti." Where is Indiana Jones when you need him? Unless Condi is to be the first black, female Indiana Jones, or maybe she is the love interest or sidekick. Either way, girl is fierce in her stiletto boots!

Short round say, "Very Bad, me no like dis!"

Larnaca Here We Come!

2006-04-11T21:32:00.000-07:00

Where do 4 young, up-and-coming, well-to-do men-about-town, fun-loving certified bachelors go for a little vaca? Larnaca of course! "Where!?!" You say. Yes well, Larnaca is on the island of Cyprus in the Mediterranean. Hometown to "The Greek Madonna" Anna Vissi...so that is fun! From what I read it is full of rude English tourist and not one Cha-Cha lounge. Why o' why would one choose to go there? Well, there are 33 reasons. Well, more accurately $33. It seems our friend, we'll call her Watusi, managed to procure 4 business class, nay Magnifica class tickets via Alitalia Airlines ala Orbitz.com for the price of $33. In what is sure to get a little old Italian clerk fired, Alitalia mistakenly published a fare usually priced at $7,365 for only $33. And being the shrewd traveler she is, Watusi picked up some tickets for herself and her traveling compatriots.

So sometime this year we will be making the voyage overseas to partake of all that Cyprus has to offer. Not to mention the stopovers in Toronto, Milan, and Rome. And maybe New York on the way back, I don't really know. The tickets are in however, yes I have held them in my hand. Baring Alitalia starting an international incident by revoking the tickets, we will have the time of our lives. Ma boo hi y'all!

Lifestyle & Fashion - Preview for Summer 2006

2006-04-11T19:32:00.000-07:00

This will be the section where new things in "Lifestyle & Fashion" are discussed. Reviews and critiques of the latest trends and celebrities are always good for a laugh or two.

First up, Fashion:

Showing your navel is back for 2006

Lifestyle:

Buying kids is still red hot in 2006. Get yours before all the cute ones are taken.

*Psssstttt...I hear Chinese are the "IT" kid to buy for Summer 2006.

Angelina was spotted picking hers out below. But I don't buy it, that is totally Brad's hand, he picked this one out.

And get this...Word is J-Lo bought a Korean...is she living in 2004? I mean seriously!

And in a sign of absolute despair...Courtney Love bought Lindsey Lohan (henceforth to be know as LiLo) I love a good crackhead, don't you!?!

Doppelgänger?

2006-04-11T19:04:00.000-07:00

dop·pel·gäng·er or dop·pel·gang·er

NOUN:
A ghostly double of a living person, especially one that haunts its fleshly counterpart.

ETYMOLOGY: German, a double : doppel, double (from French double; see double ) + Gänger, goer (from Gang, a going, from Middle High German ganc, from Old High German)

So from time I will post some interesting and always funny pictures. Here's an example.

You get the idea.

First Post

2006-04-07T09:28:00.000-07:00

Well, I knew I was behind the curve on blogging when Casey got one. He is not the type to have his personal business out there for the world to see. So I just had to start one myself. I will try to post some witty and humorous banter as it comes to me.

I feel a bit like the Tyler Rose Queen coming out for the first phase of the competition, not knowing if I really have enough "Poise". Although I know, things to come are going to get better, i.e. the swimsuit competition...because as we all know, Betty Lou has been sneaking some twinkies and Bobby Jo never trims her bikini line with much accuracy. Anyway...just try to giggle a bit and I hope you come back to waste some time at work often.

Enjoy!